Diary of frank0462

2 1/2 months now into sobriety. one day at a time. lots of new ups and downs. mainly downs but that is the result of a life run by self will over a 10 year period of downward spiral. i’m feeling better. still lots to overcome. i’ll keep you posted. thanks for stopping by.

this is the big one Scotty. i’m going down with the ship.

dream about this big gymnasium which doubled as a big mosque. there was a bunch of us, my father, my brother, my mother and others, outside running through the sand. i remember taking my shirt off to get some sun, seemed to be on a beach. we entered the mosque where moslems were praying, they were glad to see us. we sent our salams and began “touring” the space. there was a spot to make ablutions, and when i tried, these giant fish, the size of oversized basketballs, jumping around and swimming. they were huge goldfish, with giant eyeballs, eating everything in their path. my father pulled out my engagement ring that i gave my ex-wife. he said “here, toss this into the water.” i protested, but finally threw it in. it just sat there. then my attention went back onto the giant goldfish. they were hideously scary. i noticed how the smaller fish were eating “gunk” out of the eyeballs of the bigger fish.

i have no idea what this dream means or really what fish symbolize. probably some deep sexual thing, especially with the symbol of the engagement ring. man those fish were freaky looking.

had this dream where i was in a straight jacket being hauled away into a hospital. i was frantic, praying loudly, screaming, and this tight strap kept getting tighter around my neck. i realized the more i relaxed, however, the strap around my neck loosened. there was this old lady in the hospital too, in a wheelchair, somebody i was supposed to meet. the softer i prayed, the more the straps loosened.

could be symbolic of my new meds :: depakote and haldol. i hate being on them. but it’s better than being fucking crazy.

in one of my dreams the other night i was in my studio apartment, only it was different, in the middle of this prairie. there was this black dog who was running away, laughing at me. so i started to throw snowballs at it, yelling “get out of here”. the dog kept running, looking back at me, laughing. i continued to throw snowballs at the dog, and he kept laughing, still running away, looking back and laughing.

not sure what the black dog symbolized. i want to say the devil. it could have been my addictions, or my old self i die to every day.

i love you too french fry. how about some ice cream? mmmm, ice cream aarrrrhhh (drool sound)

i’m not sure what kind of tree this is, but it is beautiful. taken from my studio window. paradise is back in Southwest Michigan.

lets see … i’m roughly 5′11, and those flowers towered over me. I’d say at least 10 feet. The best flowers grow in horse poo.

wishing you a great day annie. i’m glad you were born.

i miss  you.